Keeping old friends

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creative writing, family, feelings, inspiration, opinion, Plinky, psychology, thoughts, writing

I was browsing prompts on Plinky and came across one asking about high school friends I’ve last seen.  This caught my eye because I’d just been thinking about that same topic.  I may not be able to make a very long post out of it, but I have some thoughts I’d like to share anyway.

I recently returned from two years living overseas and the first thing I did when I got back was go to a huge family reunion in MN in a town I haven’t seen in 15 years and visit with all the relatives I haven’t seen in at least four.

Including cousins I’d never met.

This got me on a ‘collecting’ binge, where I just had to see everyone I could.  So I rode with an Aunt all the way down to KS in her camper to see more family.  I never got to see them due to unforeseen circumstances but my point is still the need to see everyone all at once.

My oldest friend, a girl I’ve known since 8th grade, lives in MN and I drove within a few minutes of her town but I couldn’t stop to see her, and that hurt.  I tried communicating with her and tried to arrange a meetup but life got in the way.  It made me feel helpless like a kid, but also old because life gave her and me responsibilities.

She has a steady job, kids, a husband, etc.  I have none of that and I don’t regret having that life but it still irks me that we couldn’t just do whatever the hell we wanted and see each other.  It’s not like we get that chance very often.  We were supposed to have freedom as adults, so why do I feel so constrained?

But back to the original issue of old high school buddies.  The last friend from that era I actually saw was Ru-safie– Ruth to the government.  She is also married and last I heard was supposed to be moving to Missouri.  That was several years ago.

Here’s this chick I’ve told some of my deepest secrets to, who is a riot to be around, and who actually accepts me as I am and I can’t be bothered to maintain our friendship better?

Now this isn’t exclusive to me, obviously.  Everyone has this issue, so why do we let it happen?  Why do we let good friends drift away like that?  These are the people we should be focusing all our attention on, not the douche at work who corners us to discuss last night’s Breaking Bad or whatever.

We do it with family, too.  I’m ‘friends’ with a dozen people on facebook that I share DNA with and I haven’t said two words to them since I friended them.

Now I know there are people who do put the effort in and maintain these relationships just fine.  My issue is, I can’t figure out why I don’t.  Laziness?  Forgetfulness?  Fear of rejection?  Or do I just think I have nothing interesting to say so why bother?  All of the above?

I’m not a touchy-feeley, huggy, lovey type so that surely contributes to it, but dangit, I still like having a good chat once in a while.  And I do value these connections, really, honestly, I do.  So someone explain to me why I don’t take care of them.  Why I leave something precious to gather dust and neglect it.

Ok, maybe not THAT neglected.

And more importantly, how do I get them back?  I’m not even sure most of the people I’d like to re-connect with use facebook, and hell if I know anyone’s e-mail or phone number.  And what do I say?  How do I keep engaged and involved with them?  I’ve never been very good with that whole ‘social graces’ thing.

So, folks,  I’m open to suggestions.  Maybe it’s because I’m getting older and my past is becoming more important to hold on to, but I’d really like to get this whole ‘connection’ thing figured out.